


not ours but you should be

by EniciaPop (Enicia24)



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Platonic Soulmates, Pls stop me, Romantic Soulmates, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, honestly i have no excuse for this self indulgent nonsense, i promise there's gonna be happiness and i can write more than angst, i recently realized i was not appropriately warning people about the emotional hurt here, no one can stop me!!!!!, other than that i'm always a slut for soulmate aus, shrugs, we here bitches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-05-20 10:06:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14892593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enicia24/pseuds/EniciaPop
Summary: There are objectively a high number of soulmates that find each other in the entertainment business, whether it be because the mates are all in the industry or because one is, so it's really no surprise when groups have matches in them.It's a little bit of a surprise when most/all of a group are soulmates, but not the rarest thing in the world.Fated matches are matches for a reason.So the fact that 4/5ths of Day6 are matched with each other isn't too big of a deal.Except that they really wish it was 5/5ths.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> what's this? me writing a fic and it's not for ted? me writing a DAY6 fic and it's not for ted??!?  
> listen ya'll this is self indulgent dribble that i thought the basic prompt up of like MONTHS ago, and for some reason today it would not leave me alone at work so i opened up a word doc and here we are, i'm so sorry and i have no idea where i'm going with this

It starts when Brian sets aside his computer with a motion that slightly dislodges Dowoon from his side and tells his soulmates, “I think we need to talk.”

-

It starts when Jae is leaning over a handrail people watching the lobby of JYP with Jimin, because they’re killing time before an ASC meeting, and he hears the intimately familiar sound of Wonpil chanting ‘hyung, hyung, hyung’ over and over again.  His eyes immediately find the keyboardist nearly bouncing with excitement as someone walks towards him.  Jae watches as the person gets one of Wonpil’s patented ‘I missed you so much never leave me again’ hugs and watches as they ruffle his hair in an entirely too familiar manner as he half whines half preens under the attention in that unbearably adorable Kim Wonpil way.  And Jae doesn’t realize he’s clutching at his phone so hard until Jimin slaps his arm and tells him he’s gonna break his phone his grip gets any tighter.

It starts when Sungjin is sitting with Jaebum and Jinyoung, out for a carefully carefree night with some old friends, and Wonpil comes stumbling off the dance floor to Jinyoung’s side of the table and takes the drink out of his hand.  Throwing it back in a move that perfectly shows off the swan slender line of his throat then leans in to Jinyoung’s side while pointing at some dark haired couple, that Sungjin had watched flirt and dance with him for nearly two hours now, and declares, “I’m going to go make out with that guy or girl, maybe both, Yongie don’t let me leave with them.”  And Jinyoung smiles and agrees, and Jaebum laughs at the two of them, and Sungjin feels his heart clench at the knowledge that Wonpil is probably going to come home with marks all over him but not one that matters.

It starts when Brian automatically buys an overpriced over sugared frozen white hot chocolate to go with his overpriced over sugared frozen coffee, and brings them to what was supposed to be a weekly half study half composition session that he and Wonpil had started doing at least five years before, only to find Wonpil in their study room with a cup in front of him and a woman wiping foam off cheek.  His face is all scrunched, because Wonpil for some reason actually doesn’t like lattes, and even though his stomach drops as Wonpil grins at the woman and giggles a delighted ‘noona~’ at her in just that tone that is undercut with a whine that means he knows he’s being teased and likes it, Brian just walks in and sets the cups down.  The woman excuses herself, not before pinching Wonpil’s cheeks and telling Brian to take care of his precious dongsaeng.  And Brian tries not to let his annoyance at this woman he doesn’t know, and how does Wonpil know her, telling him to take care of Wonpil like he hasn’t been doing that for years.

It starts when Dowoon goes looking for Wonpil, because it’s nearly time for bed and he likes getting a few extra minutes of soft warmth and angles pressed into his side before they separate for the night, and it takes nearly ten minutes of wandering around the dorm for Jae to ask him what he’s doing and to remind him that Wonpil is hanging out with Jinyoung and Jackson that night.  And of course Dowoon remembers, because Wonpil had been so excited to have a night with some of his oldest friends and it had put them all in a half happy mood all day just from shear proximity.  Looking at the pictures Wonpil sent him of the three cuddling together on a couch, Wonpil in the middle and looking the definition of content, served to remind Dowoon that hollow is the other half of what he’d been feeling all day at the thought of not having Wonpil around that night.

-

It starts when Kim Wonpil enters training at JYP Entertainment and falls in love. 

And falls in love.

And falls in love.

And falls in love.

Falls in love with people, with places, with songs, with food, with anything and everything.

Over and over again.

Because Kim Wonpil falls in love very easily, as he has his whole life, and falls out of love just as easily, also as he has his whole life.

And he knows there are different types of love and he’s felt them all.

Well almost all of them.

He hasn’t felt soulmate love.

(And that’s the love that everyone really wants and writes about and sings about and Wonpil gets pretty good at pushing down the yearning and the pining to a level that doesn’t seem pathetic or insanity inducing.  Which is pretty great considering how many people in the entertainment industry find their soulmates in the same group or company as theirselves and Wonpil’s been in the industry for a hot damn minute, as Jae would say, so he’s faced with the reality of matched mates perhaps more than the average person.)

Though he has seen mates find each other right in front of his eyes at JYP.

The first time is actually not that important.  A boy and a girl who bump into each other and are nervously apologizing, it’s obviously their first few weeks of training, and she pats a hand to his arm and it’s like ZAP! they both give a little jump and look at each other with wide eyes.  It’s cute.

The next few times are just as similar, though some of them are people who’ve been there for years and some are visitors and some are not trainees but receptionists or managers or producers.

The first important one Wonpil sees is when Jackson Wang and Im Jaebum touch for the first time.  He and Jinyoung are trying to talk Jaebum into getting chicken for dinner, even though Sungjin has said he wants to get pizza, and Wonpil waves Jackson over to ask his opinion, pizza ahh what a waste, when Jackson and Jaebum’s hands brush and ZAP! they stumble away from each other and Jackson stumbles into Jinyoung and ZAP! and Wonpil is so so very happy for them.

And he definitely doesn’t think about how much he loves Jinyoung and how they were supposed to be best friends.

And he doesn’t have to say it because Jinyoung comes to him later that night and cuddles him and tells him that he doesn’t care what fate has to say and that Wonpil is one of the most important people in his life.

And Wonpil definitely cries.

There are other important ones, see: every single time Jackson met another member of what would one day be GOT7, and there are other not important ones.

Then there are **very** important ones.

Like the day Wonpil got to finally introduce Younghyun, who was so cool and seriously such a good hyung and it’s only been like two weeks but Wonpil is kind of in love, to Sungjin, who had been away for a few weeks dealing with a family emergency and who Wonpil was definitely a little bit in love with since they first met, and Sungjin bowed and Younghyun offered a hand shake and then Sungjin took it and then **ZAP!**.

Then came Jae who called Younghyun dude and Brian and **ZAP!** , and called Sungjin Bob and told him he was almost too good at playing the guitar for someone who just picked it up and **ZAP!** , and he laughed at Wonpil’s jokes, and the things that weren’t jokes, and made fun of him and also let Wonpil cry to him about things even though it made him uncomfortable and

And no zap.

Then when talks of a debut, finally!, were going on and they were going to be a band and there was that adorable new kid who was a masterclass drummer, and spoke with a cute little accent, and who was actually thrilled to regularly cuddle with Wonpil in a way no one had been since Jinyoung and Jackson moved into their group dorms.

And maybe he had a feeling on what was going to happen, because for some reason Wonpil’d actually gotten pretty good at guessing who might work out, so maybe he kept Dowoonie a little bit to himself for a few days after they met.

But not for long, because Wonpil wasn’t evil or even unhappy for what fate had in mind and one day he pulled Dowoon into a meeting and pushed him at Jae and Sungjin and Younghyun and yelled a loud “SURPRISE!!!”

**ZAP!**

**ZAP!**

**ZAP!**

So he and Junhyeok bonded over not being soulmates and it was fine.

Then Junhyeok left.

It was still fine, because Dowoon was still Woonie who would cuddle with Wonpil every day and Younghyun was still such a good hyung and Sungjin was still that same reliable dork and Jae was still a yandere.

It was fine.

It was normal for Wonpil to walk around every day with the knowledge that some of his best friends and his coworkers had soulmate love and he didn’t.

He’d already had that realization years ago if he was being honest with himself, but it hit harder somehow when it was the four people who had slowly yet surely become the most important ones in his life.

(If we’re being truthful, it’s just about enough to make him cry when he sees them all lying around together, basking even, in their bond and happy and settled.  And sometimes it feels like a reminder of what it feels like he’ll never ever have, and isn’t that dumb to think when he’s not even 25 and finding your soulmate doesn’t mean instant happiness and you can find happiness and love with someone without a fated mark and zap, and sometimes it does make him get a little misty eyed and he has to tell anyone who asks that he saw a video of a really cute dog to explain away his near tears.)

But he’s happy, because he has his friends and he has his bandmates.

And he goes on dates and doesn’t think about the fact that sometimes he’s the odd one out at home, or that sometimes he doesn’t fall as out of love with some people as he does others.

-

It starts when they hear the sound of the front lock sticking, which means Wonpil forgot to turn it to the right again, and all become focused on some kind of task, Jae texting, Sungjin writing in a notebook, Brian doing school work, and Dowoon napping on Brian, and absolutely are not watching the door.  

Absolutely not watching Wonpil tiredly makes his way into the dorm after a date that none of them really made much of an effort to know too much about, but somehow knew everything about.

Absolutely didn’t care that it was the sixteenth date with the same person and they all knew every single detail about the girl and each and every date and they all knew that Wonpil wasn’t in love but he could get there with her.

Absolutely caught on to the heavy way that Wonpil sighed as he hung up his coat and the small sniffle he furiously rubbed his nose after.

And Dowoon shifts himself against Brian so that his back is against the older boy’s arm and softly calls out to Wonpil.

“Hyung?  Are you okay?”

“Huh,” Wonpil seems to startle at his questions and takes a few seconds to answer. “Oh yes, yes I’m fine Dowoon.”

“You don’t,” Dowoon pauses and struggles for the right words.  Jae sighs and cuts in.

“You look like you’ve been crying for the past half hour, was the date really that bad?” He asked leaned across Sungjin to get closer to the red eyed boy.

“Not bad no.  Um, not great.”  Wonpil winced and his voice gave a little crack that made even Brian look up from his laptop.

“What happened, Wonpil?”  Sungjin shifted over, a silent offer to let the younger man sit between him and Brian.  An offer he would have taken literally any other time it was given, happily and with a cute little sigh as he would snuggle between them.  But tonight it seemed that all that move did was actually make Wonpil sadder somehow.

“Well, I’m probably never going out with Jintaek again for one.”  Was the soft reply as Wonpil looked down at his hands.

“What?  But you really like her, Pillie.” Brian tried gently. “And she seemed to really like you.”

“Not enough for her to stay.”  Was the mumbled response.

“Is she leaving or something, hyung?”  Dowoon asked.

“No, she uh, she found her soulmate,” He told them, head popping up and smiling bright and fake and so very sad. “So we definitely won’t go out ever again, because she was really happy when she talked about her and I’m pretty sure that this entire night was a soft break up date.  And honestly I’m pretty sure this just means I shouldn’t date for awhile, because this is just becoming a thing, and maybe maybe I should just stop for a few months, or maybe a year, years.”  He mostly spoke the last parts to himself.

“Hyun-“ Dowoon tried to offer some kind of reasurrance.

“I’m fine Woonie.” Wonpil gave them a tighter smile that made is eyes crinkle and gave the tears that were starting to gather the encouragement to spill over his cheeks. “I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.  Good night.”

A few murmured good night’s follow him before they hear the bathroom door close, and the shower get turned on, and the muffled sounds of a sweet boy crying for what might have been.

It starts when Brian sets aside his computer with a motion that slightly dislodges Dowoon from his side and tells his soulmates, “I think we need to talk.”

-

Truthfully it starts when Wonpil is twelve.

And meets his soulmate.

And they die for a few minutes.

And they don’t stay dead.

And they don’t stay his soulmate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not the explanation for the last section of the first chapter that most of you want, but oh well, that comes soon  
> i just wanted to write feelings and thoughts without having to insanely dialogue and here we are  
> this is the only time i will ever promise another chapter coming soon, why? because it's mostly already written

After Junhyeok left it came out that Wonpil was the only member of Day6 without a soulmate.

News that at first was overshadowed by the information that the remaining four were bound to each other. 

But it didn’t take long for a faction of fans to latch onto Wonpil, him being the only one without a match, and devote their selves to a making sure that no one ever treated him as less among the other fans. For him to be the only one not matched to the others in his group lent a certain feeling of kinship for some of them.

(For a lot of them truthfully.  Who didn’t have matches or bonds or marks and lived in a world where that was the ideal and was shoved in their faces every day, sometimes by the people closest to them.)

It also made their hightouch ticket sales skyrocket to the companies delight and Wonpil’s confusion, because he didn’t seem to realize it was directly linked to him, when their manager passed on that message of delight to him specifically.

And that was how it started.

But then, when people really listened, when they really heard a Day6 song, that number of people started to rise.

When asked some fans would say there was just a quality about his voice.

A feeling.

Longing and joy and just enough hurt that made the lyrics come truly and undeniably alive when Kim Wonpil sang.  Love songs felt more than just sappy.  They felt whole and real and like no matter how rose tinted the words could be, that there was always a chance of loss to be had. 

True to relationships.

True to life.

-

They all feel a little silly huddled together in the room furthest from where Wonpil is sleeping, but it was necessary for the talk they were going to have.

That Brian was insisting they have.

(That Younghyun knew was at least two years well over do and it probably should have occurred between him and Sungjin back when they were the first of the bond to have met.)

“We all have feelings and we need to talk them out.  Everyone get’s their turn.”

-

Sungjin probably wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the exact moment he fell for Wonpil.

There was something there at the very start that drew him in.  Not quite like the way friendship felt natural with Jaebum or the easy camaraderie with Jinyoung, or even like the long stability and potential that defined his friendship with Sandeul.

Just that some part of him accepted Wonpil as soon as he opened that pretty mouth and said hello.

Started calling him Sungjinnie-hyung to make him cringe then stopped all of the sudden and pouted at him and worked hard at their training and laughed at his jokes sometimes. 

And the longer they knew each other the more surprising it was that he and Wonpil didn’t even register as being soulmate potentials. 

They fit together so well.

(“It was attraction”, Jaebum and Sandeul had both told him on separate occasions when he’d, drunkenly because there was no way he’d say it sober, brought it up during the kind of conversations where it would come up.

“It was attraction.”  Brian and Jae and Dowoon all agree with nodding and a faux pensive look, though that one was mostly from Jae. 

“Fine.”  Says Sungjin with a frustrated throw of his hands. 

It was attraction that he had felt at that initial meeting and Sungjin had ignored it.)

Sungjin had been raised on the mostly traditional soulmate beliefs.

So to say that everyone had at least one soulmate in the world, that some people had multiple didn’t mean that their bonds were any better or more important than anyone else’s, and that fate would ensure that soulmates would meet and have a chance to be together and be happy.

Your match(es) supported and cared for you, the romantic or platonic nature of the bond didn’t matter, and you did the same.

That wasn’t to say that relationships that weren’t built upon a bond wouldn’t work out.  Or that they didn’t deserve respect and that the people in them didn’t care for each other as much.

It’s just that soulmates were soulmates, and no matter the nature of the bond it was undeniable that there was a connection.

And maybe no one had ever out right said it to Sungjin when he’d been growing up, but even people who were potentials were treated with a modicum more genuinity than those who had no bond.

So Sungjin had been hesitant to act on any feelings he might, definitely did, have for the younger boy.

And then Younghyun came.

And the chances of him ever acting on those maybe, absolutely, feelings diminished.

Then Jae.

And diminished.

Then Dowoon.

And their mark came in fully, and they knew there was no one else to contribute to the bond they all had.  And none of the shear amount of people they interacted with had ever even remotely made Sungjin feel anywhere near as happy as those in his bond did.

(As he felt when Wonpil was with them.)

Sungjin should be satisfied by who he had, what he had.

And he was.

Truly.

But there was still a part of him that more than probably loved Kim Wonpil, just like they all did.

-

Jae may be the oldest of them, but that doesn’t necessarily make him the wisest.

Sure he had a little more experience with the world outside of the music industry, he’d probably done more dumb and fun things in his teen years before joining JYP than the others had done all together during their years of training, and he definitely had more experience with relationships than most of them.

(More openness to the idea of nonsoulmate relationships beyond the commonly accepted teen romances, due to his being raised in a more ‘progressive’ area and the general inclusiveness of the people around him as he was growing up.)

Jae would even say he had more experience with dating than the others.

Except for, oddly enough, Wonpil, the seemingly most innocent of the group.

Wonpil who went on dates with regularity, but not at an over frequently rate.

Who came home with kissed red lips and the shadows of hickies.

Who had greeted Jae with kindness and a smile his very first day of training.

Who had looked him in the eyes and said, “I think you’re going to be great here, hyung.”  and he’d meant it with a certainty that should have made Jae wary but it was **Wonpil** saying it with confidence in Jae’s talents and abilities, with no prompting in the middle of the night a week after he settled in, like they were facts of the universe and nothing could dispute them.

Unlike Sungjin, Jae was fully willing to admit he found Wonpil attractive when they first met.   And maybe if he hadn’t met Sungjin and Brian, and then Dowoon, and maybe if they weren’t signing dating rights away then Jae would have put some thought into at least a little fun with Wonpil, who probably wouldn’t have even thought of turning him down.

(“Hyung!”

“Don’t act so scandalized Bob, you wanna ruin that boy and we all know it.”

“Guyssss.”  Brain put his hands over Dowoon’s ears and gave them both a wide eyed look.

“It’s ok hyung, I’ve heard much worse.”  Dowoon said comfortingly as he pulled the hands off of his head.

“That is not at all comforting.”)

But they signed their lives and their freedom away and then there was the whole soulmate thing and things were just complicated.

But nice.

And like Jae loved his soulmates and was happy with them.

So what if sometimes Jae ached for sunshine kitten smiles and a whiny voice to tease?

There was nothing wrong with that

-

About five minutes after meeting Wonpil, Younghyun thought to himself that, “He has got to be one of the dorkiest people I’ve ever met.”

About three weeks after meeting Wonpil, Younghyun had the startling realization of, “Oh no, he’s my dork.”

Then, after it was announced that they of the four-way bond and Junhyeok and Wonpil would be debuting together, then after it was just the five of them, “Oh no, he’s **our** dork.”

That seemed to be a reoccurring realization.

There was just something about him that made Younghyun want to care for him just a little more than the typical hyung/dongsaeng dynamic called for from him.

Wonpil was the kind of person who could have instant chemistry with just about anyone he met.  So maybe it wasn’t a surprise that they all formed a connection with him.

It didn’t help that Kim Wonpil was probably the easiest person in the world to tease and he always came back for more.  He was bright and excitable and just so very happy to see the members, to see Brian, that sometimes it was physically uncomfortable how much care and joy practically radiated from him for them.

There was perhaps an undertone of desperation for affection that probably contributed to how Younghyun wanted to care for him.

Younghyun had wanted to care for him.

Brian did care for him.

Every single one of the members of Day6 cared for him, even if they didn’t want to see it or talk about it

(“Wonpil is important to our bond.”)

Wonpil brought them together.

(Literally in the case of pushing down at them, like he knew the exact outcome of his actions.  Which at this point wouldn’t have surprised any of them.)

Sure they all signed with JYP Entertainment, and sure they would have all encountered each other on their own.

But Wonpil made the effort to befriend Sungjin, even when their personalities didn’t seem like compatible mixes at first.

Wonpil welcomed Younghyun into their tight knit group of trainees and made mention that he and Sungjin would probably get along pretty well.

Wonpil was easy to accept Jae with a smile, even in the face of all that stilted Korean sarcasm and kept being his friend even when Jae seemed to not want it.

The aforementioned thing with Dowoon.

In fact Wonpil was present for literally every part of their bonding.

Even, though he didn’t know what nor had he asked, for the formation of their soulmark.

-

The hyungs could talk all they wanted but Dowoon knows he’d been at least a little in love with Wonpil since they met.

(“They why didn’t you say anything?”

“Not like anyone else would have agreed back then, hyung.”)

Mostly, probably, in love with who Wonpil was and how unashamed of living his life, as happy as he wanted, that he was.  (Jackson Wang and Kim Wonpil were two of the most unapologetically theirself persons Dowoon had ever met.  The kind of people that made you want to stand up for your interests and smile just because.)

The way he’d looked at Dowoon when they first met.

His eyes had lit up, and he’s had no reason to be so very happy to meet him but he was, and the first thing he’d said was how cute Dowoon was and if he ever needed anything to ask him and that he’d show him around.

And somehow over the years Wonpil managed to perfectly toe the line of treating Dowoon like a dongsaeng, like a maknae, and treating him like an adult who had thoughts and opinions that deserved to be heard, “voice your thoughts Woonie you gotta speak up for what you like and what you don’t”, and acknowledged.   Yes, Wonpil was his hyung but he really only brought it up in joking, or when he was trying to be cute on shows or lives, or when he wanted to spoil Dowoon, but Wonpil was also his closest friend in the group.  The one he truly felt most comfortable spending time with in any capacity.

The cuddling was a big plus too.

Dowoon hadn’t known that he was an avid cuddler till meeting Wonpil. 

He’d never had a problem with skinship, certainly not the distaste that Sungjin had for it, but he also never really sought it out with _intent_ from the people around him.

But that first hug from Wonpil, that he hadn’t even thought of trying to get out of, and every hug and lean and arm link afterwards just felt natural.  Like it wasn’t really being forced on him, and he found himself easily reciprocating and eventually initiating.

And now if they went more than a few days without their time nestled together, Dowoon felt off in some way.

Like a part of his routine was being messed with.

Like he wasn’t getting one of the main things, of the best things really, that made him feel settled and happy and cared for.

So Dowoon had decided pretty early on that the hyungs could act like it was some weird thing they shouldn’t talk about, but he had always been happiest when they were **all** together.

Bond or no bond.

(“I think that’s what at least half of your problem with skinship from Wonpil-hyung is from, hyung.”

“Huh.” Sungjin was a bit startled to have the attention on him now.

“Because you don’t want to enjoy it with someone like hyung.  Someone you aren’t ‘supposed’ to like it with.”

“What the fuck Dowoon?”  Jae asked after a moment of shocked silence from all of them at his observation.

“What?”

“How come you’re never this fucking eloquent at recordings?”

“I’m a drummer not a talk giver, hyung.)

-

Kim Wonpil is the elephant in the room of their relationship that none of them want to talk about.

Wanted to talk about.

Until Younghyun decided enough was enough.

-

“In all the years any of us have known Wonpil, I don’t think he’s ever so much as mentioned having a soulmate.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha a woman of my word, less than 24 hours and i have the next chapter up  
> this will never happen again in my life  
> pls enjoy

Kim Wonpil is twelve years old.

He is twelve and on a field trip to the zoo with his class.

His class is told there are kids from other schools there as well and to be careful of getting on the right bus, last year Byun Hoseok got on the wrong bus and it was fifteen minutes before anyone realized, and to stay with their buddies.

They are given worksheets to fill out on the animals and Wonpil loses his buddy somewhere around minute forty three and the monkey exhibit.

But it’s ok because Wonpil finds a new buddy in the atrium.

They bump into each other in the atrium, there are so many many bright loud birds it’s hard to not look up the entire way through, and she ends up on the ground.  And there is a small _zap!_ of static when she takes the hand he offers to help her up and they both end up on the ground in shock, staring at each other.

Then they laugh.

They don’t really stop laughing, or smiling, or joking around for the next four hours.

They help each other with their worksheets and eat lunch together and introduce their friends to each other and exchange numbers and addresses and promise to meet up as soon as possible.

Four hours of perfect happiness.

Then Wonpil watches as Hyuyoon, ‘call me Yoonie, Pili’, gets on her bus and waves.

And watches as it pulls out of the parking lot and he frowns because there’s a weird feeling in his chest.

And twenty minutes later there is now pain pain sharp fiery pain in his chest, in his heart.  Wonpil is crying silent fat tears and biting his lip to keep the accompanying scream inside him.  Tying not to make a scene on the bus, because they’re stopped for some reason and the teachers are already getting annoyed with how rowdy everyone is being.

It hurts and it hurts and just as his seatmate, who can hear what whimpers he can’t hold back, is calling a teacher over, who starts wading through the masses of preteens with an annoyed expression, Wonpil passes out.

“shock must ha-    hurt”

“-bond time to sta-   unfo-  don’t quite know ho-  have to wa-”

“accid-   de-  bond”

“so sorry m-“

“didn’t know, they didn’t ev-“

“oh Piri”

“coming in and out”

“don’t know how lon-   wakes up”

“no more pain but it will”

“broken”

“oh Wonpil, must have hurt so much”

That one, that one he can latch onto.

Yes, yes he is Wonpil.

And yes, yes it did hurt.

Hurt so so much and he didn’t know why.

And his eyes are heavy and slow and it’s bright between the blinks and makes them water a little, but he blinks his eyes open.

The first thing he sees is the sympathetic eyes of a woman who he recognizes as his mother after a few seconds.

The first thing he feels is nothing.

-

He doesn’t hurt no.

He answers when the doctor asks.  (When the nurses ask.  When his mom asks, when his sister asks, when every single person who comes into his room asks.)

That’s the medicine, the doctor says.

And kind of empty, Wonpil frowns unsure of his own words.

And his mother looks down at the hand that is his that’s she’s clutching between her own and she’s looks sad sad sad and the doctor sighs in sympathy.

(Wonpil thinks he’s going to start hating sympathy.)

Then they tell him.

How he met his soulmate.

Hyuyoon.

And they had their preliminary bond.

The tiny zap!

The bond had stretched because it was new, and they were young, and should have had more time to settle.

His unease watching her go.

There had been an accident involving Hyuyoon’s school bus when they left the zoo.

His pain.

She was very very badly hurt and some of that hurt had echoed across their bond.

If the pain was just an echo, he hated to think how she had felt.

She nearly died before paramedics got to her.

So much pain.

Then on the way to the hospital she did die.

Wonpil passing out from their bond snapping only four hours and some change after they met.

The doctor sees Wonpil’s tears and is quick to continue with the news that the paramedics resuscitated her.

She’s alive.

Hyuyoon was in intensive care, but she was alive.

Wonpil still cried.

He still felt nothing.

-

Even though Wonpil is released from the hospital the morning after he wakes up, he is back the next afternoon the sit with, or as near to as they let him, Hyuyoon for a few hours.

(He doesn’t touch her.  The doctor said that there were cases just like his, where one part of the match had died and come back and sometimes when the unbound touched their bond reinstated itself.  But Wonpil does not touch her because he wants to wait for her to be awake, doesn’t want to do this to her without her knowing about it.)

He is back the next day. 

And the next. 

And the next.

And every day for a week.

Two weeks.

Three weeks.

Four weeks.

Fiv-

Hyuyoon wakes up.

She looks at him blankly, asks who he is.

 Where she is.

Grabs his arm, bare skin to bare skin, when he answers and asks for her mom and dad.

Wonpil gets a doctor and her parents and leaves.

There is no spark of recognition in her eyes.

No spark between them.

-

Three days and he’s back.

Hyuyoon’s parents had called and called and asked him to come.

Hyuyoon had asked for him to come, in a soft and timid voice heard in the background of the last of those calls just as he was saying he didn’t think it would be a good idea.

So he sits in the chair that became his, in a room that is devoid of at least half the machines that is housed while she was unconscious, and they stare at each other.

And they stare and neither of them really seems to know how to start this conversation and nothing about this feels easy to Wonpil.

Not like those four hours they shared.

“I’m sorry.”  Hyuyoon says and looks away from him.

“You don’t-,” The words come choking out of him. “You don’t have to be.”

“I still am.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either,” She says it to her hands decisively. “It’s neither of ours.”

There is silence then, because that’s the crux of the matter isn’t it.  That this was a freak series of events and neither of them are to blame for it.  Even though Wonpil feels a little like drowning because it feels like it’s his fault that they don’t connect the same way.

And Wonpil thinks maybe he should leave before something happens to hurt either of them even more than they already are. 

Before he starts to hurt too too much again.

“I was happy.”  It comes as nearly a whisper but he looks up and Hyuyoon’s eyes are boring into him pleadingly.  “I don’t remember, well anything from the day of the accident.”

She says it like it’s a fact that’s been drilled into her by numerous repeats of doctors and family and specialists asking questions and making conclusions.

She says it like it doesn’t shatter Wonpil’s heart all over again.

She doesn’t even _know_ what they were and how it felt for four simple hours.

“I don’t remember any details.  I know that I went to the zoo with my class because that’s what I remember being excited about the day before, but I don’t **know** anything about it or what happened.  I can’t remember anything about that day, except that I was happy.” Hyuyoon looks like she wants to carve it into stone and give it to him. “Over the moon happy, I try to think of that day and all I get is blank spots and happiness and I think, no I know, it was because of you.  So thank you, even if it wasn’t for very long.  Thank you for making me happy, Kim Wonpil.” 

She’s so earnest and it hurts so much and-

“I was happy too.”

He’s crying.

Hyuyoon is crying.

She holds out her arms and Wonpil gives her a careful hug, and they don’t fall into the contact as easy as breathing as they did when they met, and there is no spark.

“I’m sorry this is hurting you so much.”  Hyuyoon whispers to him in a voice that is nearly as broken as he feels.

Wonpil cries harder.

“Fuck soulmates.”  She says fiercely in his ear.

“You don’t mean that.”  Wonpil says miserably.

She doesn’t mean that.

-

They keep in contact.

Bound by a bond that was and then wasn’t.

And they are…

They are friends.

And sometimes it hurts.

And one day Hyuyoon stumbles into a man on a bus and

“Wonpil I met someone, we- we’re soulmates.”

Zap!

“That’s…”

“Maybe this means it’s possible for you, Pili.  There could be someone out there waiting for you.”

“Yoonie.  It’s not, I don’t, I haven’t even registered as a potential since that day.  For anyone, ever.  Not a blip.  You’ve at least had those since the accident.  I just don’t think I'll ever have a soulmate again.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we back with those feels  
> god i swear i can write things that aren't angst i swear i can, we're almost there friends almost

“Wonpil if you don’t stop talking right now, I will make you shut up.”

“That sounds like a threat, hyung.”  Wonpil half gasped half whined at Jae, eyes going big and his bottom lip pushing out some.

It had been over a week since Wonpil’d come home from his date and he’d mostly bounced back to his cheerful and dorky self. 

This included being way too talkative for Jae to handle at a 7 A.M. meeting with a producer who didn’t usually work with them, and probably never would if the way he spent most of the meeting not actually listening to them and just talking at the group had any sway.

It was now nine, the producer had left with pretty much a promise to never see them again, and Jae was going to go crazy if Wonpil didn’t shut up.

“It may sound like a threat but it’s really a promise.”  Jae ignored the wary looks of his matches and stared hard at the boy standing in front of him.

“So mean, hyung,” And that was all whine, and his eyes were fluttering down halfway to peer at Jae through his lashes. “Why are you so mean today, Hyung-hyung?”

Fuck that dumb nickname.

Jae surged forward and grabbed Wonpil by the back of the neck.

Before he, or anyone else, had time to react Jae pulled his face to meet his own in a hard tangle of a kiss, fingers clutching at his collar and pulling Wonpil just that little bit closer.

Wonpil stood frozen for several seconds, till Jae gave into the urge to press his teeth against the swell of his bottom lip.

Which was well worth the way Wonpil seemed to snap back into reality and pushed against his shoulder while leaning back, causing Jae to accidentally bite into his lip.

Wonpil’s hands flew to cover his mouth and his eyes were going to pop if they got any bigger.

A light flush was dusting over his cheeks and Jae ran his tongue over the front of his teeth, Wonpil’s eyes tracking the movement.

Jae watched Wonpil watch him and quirked his lips into a smirk.

Wonpil gave a squeak of a sound and rushed out of the room.

“Well,” Jae said to his self, to the space where Wonpil had been, to the disbelieving stares of his soulmates. “That definitely shut him up.”

-

Wonpil had been having…

 

A week.

His favorite chips were out of stock at the corner store, then he’d gotten soaked by an unexpected rain that everyone else was prepared for, then there was a glitch with his phone and some of his contacts lost their names, then there’d been a traffic jam and his phone was dead, and then Jintaek-

Well it had been a not so great few days.

But those incidents were not included in the week that he’d been having.

Nope.

See, the week started the day after his ‘well we weren’t really dating dating in the first place Wonpil-ssi so it’s really not that bad a thing’ break up date, and subsequent shower cry because those were some harsh words, and if Jintaek had really felt that way then maybe things hadn’t been going as well between them as he’d thought and maybe that meant that it was good that they stopped doing the ‘not really dating’ dating thing that they had been doing, before Wonpil really truly got hurt.

Because he totally wasn’t hurt by the fifth time that someone he was dating met their soulmate and broke it off with him with what seemed to be barely a thought on their part.

Absolutely not hurt at all.

Nuh uh.

Anyway, that week.

Right.

See the day after that… thing with….

The day after, Wonpil had awoken to being held against a warm chest by strong arms and light huffy snores that meant Yoon Dowoon.

And Wonpil would be lying if he said he didn’t adore waking up like that.

It was literally one of his favorite things.  Right there next to the way sometimes Jae would pet his head and call him talented or Brian would pull gloves out of his pocket every time Wonpil forgot them and they would be warm and toasty or Sungjin would occasionally open his arms when he really needed a hug and sway with him.

So yeah Wonpil loved waking up to Dowoon cuddling him and he didn’t really think much of it because the younger boy was pretty in tune with when Wonpil needed reassurances.

Although he did wonder how Dowoon managed to get into his bed without waking him up.

Then, he kind of isn’t, well…

Wonpil isn’t really left alone, at all, for a few days.

The thing is though, the thing that makes it strange and worth mentioning, it’s not just Dowoon.

It’s Younghyun and Sungjin and Jae too.

It’s at least one of them with him, around him, talking to him, touching him, **all** of the time.

If not for the fact that Wonpil kind of loved it so much, he would have tried to maintain some distance to keep himself from getting to hurt when it ended.

On some level he knew that they were just comforting him. 

Thinking he was incredibly distraught by a failed relationship, that wasn’t really a relationship at all, and needed to be handled delicately till he got over Jintaek.

Wonpil knew this was all temporary.  That once they felt like he wasn’t upset anymore, things would go back to usual. 

Not that their behavior itself was unusual, just that they were all acting this way at the same time and with a frequency no one could deny. 

It was kind of weird…

 

Okay, so with Dowoon it wasn’t that weird.

Seriously the kid was cute and cuddly and had never made like he was uncomfortable with the amount of affection Wonpil bestowed upon him.  Dowoon bestowed his fair share in return and instigated many a cuddle sessions.

(It was a SHOCK to have Dowoon press quick little kisses to his head or even his cheeks in passing, as he’d seen him do to the others at times.)

Sungjin, while cute was never very cuddly.  There were times it looked like he barely tolerated skinship from his soulmates, let alone someone like Wonpil who had no reason to be touching him and who had a history of receiving _looks_ and brush offs from the leader.  But over the past few days Sungjin had willing put an arm around his shoulders like seven times and even around his waist a few unnecessary and flush inducing times, that included pulling him into his side and keeping him there for several minutes at a time.

It was life altering.

(Wonpil was pretty sure Sungjin had been kidnapped by aliens and a pod person sent in his place.

A pod person who had mastered the cute mannerisms and speech patterns of Sungjin but didn’t know that he hated touching Wonpil.

It was the only explanation that made sense.)

Jae was patting him on the back and the waist and grabbing Wonpil by the wrist to pull him places that he didn’t really need to be pulled to.

The wrist!

Like they were in some drama or anime or something!

He didn’t automatically start teasing Wonpil and had even called him Piri, and Wonpil was SHOOK.

(Jae had obviously also been kidnapped by aliens and pod personed.)

There wasn’t too much different with Brian.

A lot like with Dowoon, it was just his usual behaviors, but like intensified.

He just seemed to let Wonpil talk a little longer, pay a little more attention to him and what he was saying.  Occasionally, every few hours, he’d bring Wonpil some snack and sit with him, it felt like he was watching him but any time Wonpil looked he would be on his phone, till he’d eaten it.

(Brian had not been kidnapped by aliens.

But he had maybe developed some new mothering tendencies.

Or his pod person was a whole lot more informed about who Younghyun was.)

And, and Wonpil realized he had maybe been getting kind of lonely.

Realized he’d maybe been keeping himself a little at arms length from the others after they got back from touring and fan meets.

A whole year packed to the brim with working and **having** to be around his band mates, **having** to be around their bond, and Wonpil had relished the chance to put some distance between himself and what he couldn’t have.  (On multiple levels, because he was pretty sure his soul was beyond damaged, beyond the ability to form a bond, and because those who he had to be around did have a bond.  And because he was an idiot who fell in love too easily and sometimes it was too hard to stop.)

So he’d maybe, definitely, taken just about any chance given to him to not be around all of them and their happiness.

And turns out that meant Wonpil spent a lot of time by himself, or going out with someone who dropped him as soon as _their_ soulmate came along.

Which, when he thought about it, that self imposed isolation thing probably made Wonpil a little more attached to Jintaek than he usually would be.

Yes, she’s been nice and pretty and thought he was nice and funny, but he really shouldn’t have felt so very devastated by that night.  Sure they’d gone on quite a few dates but they’d never been serious, never more than a movie and snack or a lighthearted dinner or the occasional walk in a park.

But they’d never had a relationship building moment.

Never had any of those times where they’d shared deep and meaningful pieces of their selves with each other.  Where they walked away with a greater understanding and affection for each other and knew they were better for the time they spent together.

So in hindsight, Wonpil could be happy for Jintaek and her soulmate.

Could understand that they wouldn’t have reached anything close to a real romance, even without a bond to contend with. 

He could recognize that most of his hurt was really at the situational reoccurance, the way this would always be an eventuality he might have to face dating someone, rather than at Jintaek and that the hurt had mostly passed.

He was pretty used to people leaving him for their soulmates by now.

Which was exactly why Wonpil had never even thought about making an actual move on any of his band mates.  He wouldn’t be able to bear the rejection and abandonment, because you don’t just go around getting in the way of a bond, of people he **genuinely** cared for.

Who he genuinely loved.

So it was nice to have the attention and company of his favorite people for the few days he would get it.

It hurt a little, just a very very little that tinted every interaction just that shade of bittersweet, but it was nice.

And simple.

And sweet.

And then-

And then Jae ruined it.

Jae did the unexpected.

The unthinkable.

It was just teasing and arguing like normal.

**Normal.**

Then all of the sudden Jae was reeling him in and was putting his lips on Wonpil’s.

And things weren’t simple.

Or soft.

Or sweet.

It was nearly a clash of teeth, because Wonpil was fully prepared to whine at his hyung more, and it was a tight hand around the back of his neck and another around one of his wrists, that he totally absolutely one hundred percent did not like, nope, nuh uh.

And then there was a pressure on his bottom lip like teeth and it was like his brain and body were reconnecting and he was throwing himself back.

And his lip hurt where Jae’d bit into it, then Jae was smirking at him and oh

 

OH GOD

 

JAE HAD KISSED HIM.

 

Kissed him like he had a right to kiss him.

Jae _kissed_ Wonpil and he didn’t look sorry about it, and his soulmates were **right there** and they **saw** _it_.

And oh god Wonpil had to leave.

-

“In all the years any of us have known Wonpil, I don’t think he’s ever so much as mentioned having a soulmate.”

They all looked at each other blankly, trying to come up with some memory however distant it may be to refute Brian’s claim, but it seemed that none of them could remember a time he’d talked about a soulmate.  In fact it seemed as though Wonpil had never even talked about one day **having** a soulmate.

“There’s someone who might know.”  Sungjin said and pulled out his phone.

A few moments of typing and he was opening a video call.

“Jinyoung-ah.”

“Hyung, why are you calling me so late?” Jinyoung’s voice came out slightly tinny and very annoyed. “I already have this idiot keeping me up I don’t need you bothering me too.”

“Hey!”  The off screen exclamation caused Jinyoung to smirk past the camera, and let them know that Jackson was in the same room as Jinyoung.

“We know you’re busy,” Sungjin said as he moved the phone to get them all in frame. “But we have sometime important to ask.”

“Well I’m already up,” Jinyoung sighed. “Ask away.”

“We’re all ears.”  Jackson said pressing his face against Jinyoung’s and still only getting a third of his face on screen.

They both looked very tired.

“Do you know anything about Wonpil and his having a soulmate?”  Sungjin asked, deciding to just get it out of the way.

“Or wanting one?”  Brian added to the question quickly before anyone else could start talking, a measure usually necessary when having a talk that Jackson Wang was involved in.

 

One that was not necessary this time, considering both Jinyoung and Jackson went abruptly quiet at their questions.

“That’s a pretty private matter.”  Jinyoung finally spoke, he and Jackson partially looking at each other and partially at the phone in his grasp.

“Almost nothing about Wonpil is private.”  Jae said rolling his eyes.

“All the more reason to respect the things that are.”  Jackson told him, told them, seriously.

-

Its hours later.

Late but not too late in the night, when Wonpil finally comes back to the dorm.

It hadn’t been intentional that they were in almost the exact positions as the last time he came home from being without them.

Dowoon and Brian leaning against each other on one end of the sectional, Sungjin and Jae sitting near but not touching on the other end.  And a Wonpil sized space in between Brian and Sungjin that the boy obviously notices but does his best to not look like he’s noticed or wants.

They watch as he notices and gives a hello, eyes barely focusing on them, before he turns to go to his room.

Unlike last time they don’t let him go and hide away.

“Wonpil,” He stops at Brian’s voice. “We need to talk.”

And it starts.

Because Brian wants Wonpil.

Because his soulmates, his friends, want Wonpil.

Because they’d all agreed they had feelings for the dumb sweet boy and they wanted him.

Want him happy and theirs.

Want him happy and with them.

Want to know everything about his, all about what Jinyoung and Jackson wouldn’t say.

Want a relationship with their Wonpil.

Want him to be theirs, and they want to be his.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's that, did i say it was time for fun time?  
> incorrect!  
> it's time for more angst of the wonpil variety!  
> i'm sorry, i promise our boy will have a happy ending, i PROMISE

The thing is, Wonpil was exceedingly okay with running away from his problems.

Had no problem admitting to his dislike for emotional confrontations that mixed with the fact that his natural instincts leaned more towards flight than fight, well Wonpil had gotten good at finding place to hide from the people he couldn’t cute his way out of being upset with him.

And while he wasn’t sure his band mates would come looking for him, he made sure he went somewhere they wouldn’t have access to.

Which was exactly why, after what happened, he booked it for the empty Got7 dorms and used the key Jinyoung had given him the day they moved in to hide himself away from the others.

And find him they did not.

He spent most of the day doing his best not to panic, it did not work he panicked very very much, and trying to update Jinyoung on the situation.

He didn’t seem very surprised, nor did he offer very good advice.

Really, “Go talk to them” who ever heard of something so silly and mature sounding?

Not Kim Wonpil.

Nope.

He didn’t need to talk to his band mates at all about one of them kissing him even though they were in bond with each other and he wasn’t and- and-

And why was his life sounding more and more like a one of those serials his grandmother watched while she did morning laundry?

Young pretty person is kissed by a man who is in a committed relationship, or a completed bond, and it’s seen by their partner(s).  Plot twist: the pretty young person is the villain??  Different plot twist: pretty young person has a bond with the man and his partner(s)??

Well he wasn’t a villain.

And Wonpil certainly didn’t have a bond with **anyone** , band mates or not.

So maybe it wasn’t like one of his grandmother’s _stories_ , but it was close enough to be daunting and to make him want to avoid the others for as long as possible.

**Jinyoungiii <3:**

I swear to all that is holy, if you don’t fucking talk to them, I will tell everyone what happened the summer of 2010 and there will be a group call to mock you.

 

Damnit.

Damn you Park Jinyoung.

**Wonpilliii <3:**

fine

im not happy about this

but fine

 

He goes to his own dorm that evening, he said he’d do it just not that he’d do it right then, and he hopes that either no one was home or that they’d be too absorbed in their own activities to notice him come in.

(Hoped they’d let what happened fly under the line of ‘things we should talk about’ to purely live on in their own memories with no need for discussion, because Wonpil was an optimist at heart.)

But the universe, as it had proven enough times and with enough severity, didn’t cater to the whims and wants of Wonpil.

And his band mates were waiting for him when he got home.

Sitting in the same manner as before this all started, with a space big enough for him to settle into between Sungjin and Younghyun if he so choose.

Wonpil did not choose.

(He wanted but he didn’t choose because he had no right to choose.)

Wonpil hung back and hoped he could just quickly get this over with, doing so with no tears on his part would be the best of best case scenarios when Jae said it was a moment of passion and meant nothing, so they could all maybe just go to bed and forget about what a dumb day it had been. 

But there was Younghyun, looking at him with those ‘I’m a serious adult’ eyes and telling him they needed to have a talk and Sungjin motioned to the space between them, and it was like a pit opened in his stomach.  And for a spit second Wonpil felt like this was it, the end, the day where all his past sins caught up to him and whisked away all the wonderful things he’d worked for.

(He should have never slacked off on room cleaning duty back in middle school, no matter how good enough it looked he should have dusted those blinds, it was always going to come back to haunt him.)

So he sat between his hyungs and did his best to hold all the anxious energy inside of himself, and attempted to shift around without making it look like he was going to jump out of his skin if he touched any of them.

He obviously did a very poor job of it because Jae was snickering at him.

And for some reason that was all he needed to relax into the couch. 

A blessed return to normality in this really really weird week.

Then it was all shattered, just as Wonpil was going to ask what exactly Brian thought they needed to talk about, when Dowoon leaned past Brian to look Wonpil in the eye and said in a matter of fact tone, “Hyung should date us.”

-

“Hyung,” Brian, the first of them to recover, groaned. “We said we’d talk to Wonpil, not assault him.”

“I have been holding back the urge to do that for years Brian.  Literal actual years my dude,” Jae shrugged. “Once we ‘talk it out’ and shit I’m literally never going to shut him up any other way.”

“That’s only if he agrees to date us, hyung.”  Sungjin spoke up, also shaking off his shock.

“When he agrees, you mean,” Jae said, holding up a finger. “There’s not one reason for him not to.”

The two started arguing and Brian was ready to hit his head against a wall repeatedly.  Instead he looked towards the youngest person in the room. 

Dowoon had been pretty quiet through this whole thing, and while he wasn’t a chatter box the maknae wasn’t someone to keep silent with everything going on.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”  It seemed like Brian had startled Dowoon out of some kind of trance by speaking directly to him.

“You, are you okay?”  He repeated himself.

The drummer frowned.

“Hyung, I think I felt that.”

“Felt what?”

“When hyung kissed Wonpil-hyung,” Dowoon clarified. “I think I felt that.”

-

Wonpil let out a loud yelp of a ‘what!’ and Brian slapped a palm to his face.

“Why does no one take things slowly around here?” He demanded of the room. “We agreed to ease him into this, not just blurt it out.” He glared at Jae from behind his hand. “Or just kiss him.”

Jae shrugged not looking the least bit remorseful.

“Worth it.”  This wasn’t a surprise to hear considering he’d expressed zero regrets for his actions at any point in the day.

Wonpil turned to Sungjin and asked in a near whisper, “Hyung, please tell me honestly, has everyone been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with pod people?”

“Wonpil-“

“You can be truthful,” He hurried to reassure him. “I promise I won’t tell anyone about your alien over lords.”

“Wonpil there’s no aliens, we aren’t pod people.”  Brian cut in with exasperation.

“Just what a pod person would say.”  Was the squinty eyed response. 

Wonpil crossed his arms and looked at them all with suspicion.

“Where would you even get a theory like that from?”  Sungjin asked of the boy next to him.

“Everyone’s been acting weird lately,” He nearly shouted as he popped up from the couch. “Well except Woonie, he’s always a little weird.  And I figured you guys were just being nice because I was upset about Jintaek, which is fine and kind of sweet, but I definitely wasn’t upset anymore after like a day and you guys were still nice,” He pointed an accusatory finger at Sungjin. “And Hyung was touching me!”

“I hugged him.”  Sungjin said simply when the others looked at him.

“Right!  And hyung doesn’t do that!” He was pacing now, obviously working himself up to get out everything he’d been feeling. “And Jae-hyung called me cute, to my face!  He didn’t even try to take it back, and he kissed me!  Right there.  On the lips. In front of all of you.  And Younghyun-hyung brought me soup!  And Dowoon has been nuzzling me way more than usual, he even kissed my head.”

Dowoon let out a gasp and Wonpil rounded on him, once more releasing his pointing finger.

“That’s right, I was awake!”  He faced them all with arms spread open. “So?  So? Aliens!  Pod people!  It was the only explanation.”

“Right,” Jae agreed with a condescending tone. “The only explanation was alien clones and not that we might be trying to show that we like you.”

“Yes, hyung,” Wonpil seemed relieved that someone was finally validating his beliefs. “Exactl- wait. Like me?”

“Yes, you idiot,” Wonpil seemed stunned. “We like you.  Did you not hear Dowoon saying you should date us?”

Wonpil’s eyes narrowed and he crept towards Jae, before putting a hand to his forehead.

“Hyung, are you feeling ok?  You don’t feel warm, but I think you might be sick.”

“Yeah sick of you bein-“  Jae pushed Wonpil’s hand away from his face.

“Hyung calm down.” Sungjin put a hand on Jae’s shoulder but turned his gaze to Wonpil. “Is aliens or illness really the only reason you can accept for us having feelings for you?”

Jae snorted at the fact that it was Sungjin, the feeling repressor extraordinaire, asking that question.

“Ok so, the aliens is a little out there, but yeah, I mean you guys don’t actually like like me,” Wonpil frowned at them. “That’s not even a possibility.”

“But hyung, we just told you we do.”  Dowoon huffed at him.

Wonpil opened his mouth to try and retort but he just left out a short breath and closed his mouth into a frustrated cheek puff and frown, like he didn’t even know how to start saying how impossible it was.

“Wonpil,” Brian sighed. “Why do you think we can’t like you?”

“Really?” His shoulders slumped down with a disbelieving exhale and he looked towards the floor. “You guys are really going to make me say it?  You all are soulmates.  You have a complete bond.  You’re happy together, why would you like me?”

He looked up at them as he finished with teary eyes.

“Wonpil.”  Brian tried stood up and reached a hand towards him but the younger flinched away.

“You guys don’t need me,” Now he sounded almost angry. “You have each other, and you have a relationship, and why would you want to mess it up with me?”

“Hyung we wouldn’t be messing anything up.”

“Yes you would, Dowoon,” Wonpil shook his head and there were tears on his cheeks. “You’d be messing it up with me.  I’m no good at relationships, that’s pretty obvious by now.  And there’s no reason to try and work me into yours because I’d just mess it up.”

“You can’t really mess this up, Wonpil,” Jae told him. “If it was messable, we would have done that years ago and not now.”

“Not when we all want this, and you do too.”  Sungjin added.

“No, no I don’t,” Wonpil declared loudly. “I have no right to, so I don’t want anything from any of you.”

“That doesn’t make-“

“It does,” Wonpil cut Jae off with a ferocity he rarely showed. “It makes sense, because people don’t accept this kind of thing.  Not with an unmated dating someone who has a romantic bond, and I know that some of you have that overtone to your part of the bond.”

“That doesn’t matter to us,” Brian tried coaxing him, and stowed the thought of wondering how he knew that for later. “We want to be with you Wonpil, we don’t care what people think.”

“Yes you do.”  His eyes darted towards Sungjin before returning to the floor.

“I,” Sungjin stood and pulled Wonpil into his arms. “I’m sorry Pili.  Sorry I’ve made you feel like this.  But you are right, it doe-did matter to me for a very very long time.  I can’t promise you that it won’t stop mattering to me all of the sudden, but I still want to try being with you.  Want you to try being with us, a part of **us**.”

He put a hand to the younger boy’s cheek, thumbed at the tear tracks along it, and pulled back a little to meet his red eyes.

“I want us all to try this, you belong with us and we all feel that way.”  Wonpil’s mouth wobbled like he was keeping in a sob.

“I’m broken, though.  We’ll never have any kind of bond.  After, after Hyuyoon I never even registered as a potential for anyone,” Wonpil confessed to them. “Not for any of you, not for Jinyoung, not for Jackson, and almost everyone has a tiny potential for Jackson.  Even people I **used** to be potentials for.  I just dropped off their radar completely.  My soul is broken and we’d never be soulmates, we’d never be possible like that.”

His face crumpled in on itself and he brought his arms up to hold himself.

“Wonpil,” Brian asked quietly. “Who is Hyuyoon?”

For the second time that day, they all felt the shuddering echo of each other’s emotions and a synchronized skip in their heart beats. 

And for the second time that day, Wonpil was the cause.

“She used to be my soulmate.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's that? i'm back with a chapter after a long while? oh my oh my oh my  
> seriously tho, sorry this took so long  
> i had a bunch happen in the last few months that just really squashed my ability and desire to write but here we are  
> this took hold of me and i wrote it out all in one night because i couldn't let my self exit out of the document or who knows when i'd open it back up  
> are ya'll ready for... bringing back up that wonpil trauma~~  
> **warning there is some mild description of wonpil in a slightly dissociative/panic attack state that starts when it mentions that he's in his bedroom, this does start to end with the words "there's a knock at the door" if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable to read**

She used to be my soulmate.

-

The thing about soulmates, is that we don’t have a logical scientific answer for them that satisfies everyone.

We don’t have a one true ‘how’, we don’t even have a solid couple of generally accepted versions of ‘how’ that the scientific community can sit around and divide themselves into the schools of and debate around with their research and postulations.

(There are quite a few why’s though.

Some that stem from god(s).

Some that come from destiny and fate.

Some that say that there is something in the universe, some beautiful wonderful terrible spark that lives in everything and seeks out other sparks that complete it.

Feed it.

That bring it to the forefront of the human mind and can stretch across distances once thought unimaginable to maintain a connection between those who’s sparks bond, hence the **zap!** that occurs when mates meet..

And there is a certain theory that soulbonds made for better survival rates in early human development.

That the inherent connection to the feelings and sensations of another human being made early people stronger mentally as well as physically, due to the support and passage of knowledge between bondmates.  That the bond is instigated by touch and allows for a linking of two, or more, minds and bodies to each other is seen as support to this postulation, for all that communication develops it is touch, and our sensitivity to sensations, that can say whatever is needed when sound and sight fail.)

What we have, is belief.

Faith.

Feelings.

Thoughts.

Emotions.

Connections.

What we have, is records dating back to as far as we can find them.

Of people, for better or worse, making a connection with someone.

First time meetings that spark off a roaring inferno of a love story.

Accidental brushes that shock people into looking back and meeting eyes with the person who _gets_ them like no other has.

Brushing fingers at an exchange that starts a lifelong friendship that can’t be torn apart no matter the distance.

The fluttering touch, the harsh grab, the hesitant grasp, the polite how you do, the disdained offering, the panic scramble.

An offered hand up when two children, because that’s what they were and that twists it to tragedy doesn’t it, bump into each other and one ends up on the ground and both are full of apologies.

What we have is statements and testimonies and somehow measurable degrees of compatibility that have shown time and time again that humans are not alone, are not completely solitary to their minds and their souls.

That there are layers and layers of networks in the world, where you may know someone.

And you may _know_ someone.

Or **know** someone

Or know someone.

Or **_know_ ** someone.

Or you may _know_ someone and be **known**.

Or **know** someone and not be known.

Or you may know each other, but you no longer _know_ them as they once were.

And sometimes that is how you truly **_know_ ** them.

And sometimes that is how you never know someone again.

(And you only feel broken as everyone around you begins to have a someone, or multiple someones, and everything you see and hear tells you that is the only way to truly know someone in a meaningful way.)

We do not have a definitive ‘how’.

We don’t have a definitive ‘why’.

What we have, is potential to bond with other humans in a way that is just that bit different from friendship, from love, from hate.

Different but all too much seen as connected.

But not causational.

What we have is a bond, a connection, a feeling, a mark, that shows how people have found each other, and sometimes it takes some growing, sometimes we meet and have potential but it takes time and change and meeting again for that potential to be realized, but there is something there that we can feel and see.

Something out there in the universe that pulls us together and is quantifiable in some way.

(And sometimes you are the ones who watch as the someone you **know** , you love them you idiot you do and it’s taken you this long to admit it to the people around you who feel the same because you’re all idiots, want to have this connection with get torn apart by others abandoning them for that connection with someone else.

And you want to love them, you want to care for them, you want to be taken care of by them, you want to joke and play around and have their attention.

You want to have this special connection with them, but it’s been years and even if you’ve changed and they’ve changed something should have sparked by now if it was going to.

Something should of registered by now if it was going to.)

((And sometimes it looks to be in your reach even if fate, the gods, the universe, whatever you believe in, doesn’t agree.))

-

She used to be my soulmate.

-

The words are a shock to all of them.

A punch to the gut of Sungjin who had known Wonpil longer than all of them, maybe not the best but as close as possible for someone who had denied their own feelings as long as possible, and had never caught even a whisper of him having a bond.

A full body shudder for Younghyun at the absolute and distinct way that puzzle pieces slipped together in his mind.

A spine snapping click for Jae, who focuses on the words ‘used to’ and doesn’t know how to feel about the abject sorrow that is laced in them before the wonder of just how those words came to be sets in.

A slack jaw for Dowoon, who wants to go back in time and stop them from making Wonpil talk about this because he hates to see how devastated his favorite hyung looks in this moment.

A hand clamped over his own mouth for Wonpil.

Because he didn’t mean to say that.

Didn’t mean for them to know.

Didn’t mean to be the cause of the sadness and pity they each had developing on their faces as understanding started to take over.

Didn’t want the pity that came with a story like this.

Didn’t want the looks and the hesitance and the apologies that came every time someone gushed about their soulmate and then had the lightning strike remembrance that he’d lost his and suddenly treated him like a glass and china figurine that the slightest reminder of what he didn’t have anymore would send him to shattering all over again.

-

They watch as Wonpil seemed to be holding himself together.

“She used to be my soulmate.”  He repeated himself, face scrunching like he didn’t like the taste of his words.

“Hyuyoon was my soulmate,” He says it again and it settles over them as Wonpil takes a deep breath. “We, we were twelve.  There was a school trip and we met and formed a preliminary bond.”

His voice is shaky at first.

“We were together for a few hours, but then it was time to go and it stretched our bond,” At their confused looks he keeps speaking. “We didn’t know we’d met our soulmates, it was just a little static of a shock and we didn’t know what had happened until… Until after.”

Wonpil’s knuckles turn white as he fists his shirt and looks away from them as his voice takes on an almost detached tone.

“Yoonie’s bus got into an accident on the way to her school and it was bad enough I could feel it through the bond and I eventually passed out.  Luckily we wound up at the same hospital, where when I woke up they told me she had died in transport but they were able to revive her. Unfortunately her death had snapped our bond and the trauma damaged my soul’s ability to connect with others,”  Another deep breath. “After that day it was hard to get a read on my soul at all when it came for potential testing, and I haven’t registered as even a low grade potential for anyone since. The people I used to have strong potential status with suddenly no longer blipped for me and we thought perhaps it was just something that would take time to heal but it’s been an awfully long time.”

He finally looked at them again.

“I’ve grown a lot as a person.  Even compared to who I was a year ago, or who I was three months ago, let alone who I was ten or twelve years ago.  We’re all constantly changing and growing aren’t we?”

There wasn’t a smile on his face, but his words sounded like there should of been.

Something soft and positive in the face of disappointment.

“We’ll never have a bond.”

It’s said almost blandly.

“I’ve accepted that I won’t and that’s why I never thought I could be with any of you.  That’s why I don’t think, no why I **know** this wouldn’t work,” A small smile accompanied by blank eyes graced his face. “In some way you’d all be waiting deep down for some kind of connection to form and you’d just be disappointed when it didn’t.  I’m just saving us all the heartache by saying it now.”

“Wonpil,” Younghyun spoke, voice hushed and pleading. “There’s more than one way to have a connection, there’s more than just what everyone says love is.”

“Maybe, but it sure is hard to try and make a connection with someone when it’s not the one they’ve been made to want their entire lives,” He straightened up and aggressively blinked, like he was willing away tears. “Especially when they either already have one or find one like that while you’re trying to make something different.  I don’t think I can put myself through that with you. Any of you. It would, it would hurt too much to bare.”

He gave a nod and turned on his heal away from them.

Further and further away until they heard his door shut.

They watched him shut himself off from them.

They watched as they kept making Wonpil hold himself together.

-

Wonpil sits on his bed, he’d already changed into a sleep shirt and boxers.

He looks down at his hands, staring but not seeing.

Mind spinning off.

Thoughts going in all directions.

Somehow stiff and fleeting all at once, nothing catching at him.

Nothing stopping to worry at him.

Everything feels so out of reach, he clenches his hands into fists and is unsure if he feels his nails biting into his palms or if he just knows what it feels like and his brain is supplying a memory of the feeling when the actual input isn’t connecting.

He doesn’t know how long it is before he stretches out his fingers, slow slow achingly slow, but there are bright red crescents in his skin that fade to white and pink before going red again.

Wonpil stares at the shifting colors, not really seeing them as he tries not to conjure up the faces of his bandmates when he left them.

He does have to try very hard.

Nothing will stay at the forefront of his mind for longer than a second, yet he feels like he’s moving through honey as he tries to make his hands do something.

Tries to figure out what something is.

Silence buzzes in his ears.

He wants to cover them with his hands and try to shake his brain loose.

 

 

There’s a knock at the door.

Wonpil doesn’t know what that means.

Another knock and Wonpil is unsure of what it wants.

“Hyung?”  A voice, soft and simple calls through the door.

Wonpil doesn’t know what that means.

“Can, can I come in, hyung?”

Still soft and unsure.

But it brings his thoughts to a slow spin.

It is familiar and shakes a thread loose.

“Wonpil-hyung, can I please come in?”

The voice is calling to him from beyond the door.

“Yes.”  He agrees with the thought and the door opens.

It’s Dowoon.

Standing near uncomfortably in Wonpil’s doorway, shifting from foot to foot and hunched just barely into himself.

A snapshot of similar images runs through Wonpil’s mind, of Dowoon coming to him when he felt upset or when Wonpil was upset or when they both were upset and he’d wanted comfort.

Wanted to know that Wonpil didn’t hate him and wanted to share space for even just a bit.

(Something that Wonpil was all to eager for, he was a tactile being and as he’d said over and over again, as many times as he had to for as long as he had to, he’d never be able to hate Dowoon.)

It felt like it took half a forever to pat the bed next to him.

But Dowoon was closing the door and suddenly climbing past him to get comfy near the wall.

And Wonpil had a hard time turning his head to look at him, he managed it in a quarter of a forever this time as his brain slowed slowed down and he was finally able to catch more and more thoughts as they shot past.

Dowoon was on his side, blanket not quite covering him and arm in an almost casual position behind his back.

He was waiting for Wonpil to lay down and fill the space in front of him.

The thought came and Wonpil swung his feet up onto the bed with nary a difficulty and flopped down almost on his stomach.  

An arm gingerly, slowly settled over his back and curled under him.

Silence.

Slowly the small whirl of the air conditioner made itself known.

The tiny shuffles as they both got into a more and more comfortable position.

Barely audible creaks from the rest of the house sounding out in the dark.

Dowoon was solid and near.

Wonpil could hear his heartbeat in the ear that was smushed into his pillow, he shifted his head and it smoothed into the night.

His eyes drifted closed and it was almost okay.

 

 

“Hyung?”  It was a soft mumble from behind him, the movement of skin just barely feelable against the side of his head.

“Yeah, Woonie?”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Dowoon.”

The arm around him tightens briefly and the body snuggles it’s way closer, as though their ritual, because this exchange was a ritual of theirs that was to be maintained no matter how badly feelings were hurt during the hours before, has reassured Dowoon that Wonpil isn’t mad about what has happened and that means he can fully move into Wonpil’s space and pull them as close as possible.

Just like it always does.

And just like it always does, Wonpil feels reassured by it as well.

That he can say that to Dowoon, that Dowoon can say it to him.

That they can have this slice of normalcy where nothing matters, no soulmates no company no responsibility, but that they are two young men who want comfort and touch and that they feel for each other.

And just like always, Wonpil drifts off to sleep with the heavy thoughts of the day smoothing out of him as his breathing syncs with the boy behind him.

And unknowingly with three other boys  just rooms away.

“I really do love you, hyung.  We all do and we’ll do whatever it takes to prove it.”

-

Morning comes and things look brighter.

Morning comes and the night before seems distantly hollow.

Morning comes and Wonpil is warm and feels a solid weight at his back and a hand holding his.

  


Morning comes and things look brighter.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr: meetmeinthepit-fightme  
> seriously come talk to me, be my friend, i'll most likely end up writing you fic


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